Main Character August

For the month of August, I am planning on romanticizing/main charactering every aspect of my daily life. Instead of letting imposter syndrome settle in, I'm going to wear the clothes I want, eat the things I want, fully immerse myself in my chores and homemaking. I am going to unplug from the machine that tells me what my life *should* look like. Instead, I'm going with what I want it to look like. 

I've always dreamed of a Practical Magic, Outlander, Anne of Green Gables, Little House on the Prairie, Boxcar Children lifestyle. The aesthetic of those have always been my vibe, which I guess is really just cottagecore. I have always envisioned it where I am wearing neutral/jewel-toned linen and wool fabrics, carrying a handbasket instead of a purse, knitting all my own socks, gloves, shawls and hats. Serving a delicious lunch of homemade vegetable soup with chicken that I raised in a nice warm stoneware bowl, as I put a piece of my fresh, warm, made from scratch bread on the side. 

Where I spend my evenings by candlelight and/or firelight, reading a new book, mending/darning clothes, celebrating the little things that bring my heart joy. Then I would wander off to bed in my shift, handknit stockings and oversized shift and nestle down for the excitement of what my dreams bring. 

That is the life I want, so that is the life I am going to build. I see no reason why I need to continue to participate in things that do not bring me joy. I see no need to spend my hours "doom scrolling" on my cell phone, when ultimately it just leads me to living in my head. 

I don't want to live in my head anymore. 

I want to be present and happy with my daily choices. I want to know the struggles of having to make things with my hands. I want to be forced to live a slower life where I don't feel this constant rush of anxiety because I am running to and from everything. I honestly believe that this is a condition that causes the root of so many of our problems. We don't know how to experience. We don't know how to be still. And everything around us tells us that slow is the opposite of what we are supposed to be doing.

All those books and movies that I desperately love have one thing in common: the characters experience every experience to the fullest. The good, and the bad; the happy, and the sad; the hard, and the easy. If we lie in a world where everything is possible, why isn't it possible to slow down? 

I realize that this isn't going to be easy. Procrastination is my middle name; self-doubt and laziness are quick to follow in tow. But that is the point, isn't it? To realize that those are products of a system where I'm not challenging myself and allowing myself time to relax? Seasons existed for a reason, in our lives and in our daily life. Embracing them might actually bring about the most structured way of feeling free I have will ever experience.

What if I can only find out if it will if I jump?